tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post4947908290583518352..comments2024-03-28T16:06:50.879+00:00Comments on FICTION on the WEB short stories: A Start Up by Fred McGavranCharlie Fishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04834189452905372024noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-56478377685811610212017-10-26T13:15:30.216+01:002017-10-26T13:15:30.216+01:00George, thank you very much for this perceptive an...George, thank you very much for this perceptive and helpful review. I will consider your comments carefully in future stories. If you would like to read similar stories, please go to my website www.fredmcgavran.com.<br />FredFred McGavranhttp://www.fredmcgavran.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-39045219393298892802017-10-26T03:45:28.533+01:002017-10-26T03:45:28.533+01:00Good story, but not realistic in the sense that we...Good story, but not realistic in the sense that weed can be grown like a common garden plant. From what I've heard growing weed is really complicated, cross pollination, male and female plants, constant attention and special conditioning, and even then a third of the yield is no good, but not that many people know how to grow weed, obviously. Pretty good idea, though, liked the turn in the story with the hand, that was really good and interesting.Edward Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07490305499236322340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-54426618100202226922017-10-24T15:19:44.590+01:002017-10-24T15:19:44.590+01:00Nice intro; it got my attention and kept me readin...Nice intro; it got my attention and kept me reading. The first thing I thought was that these two are stereotyped characters, and they do have some traits associated with a stereotype. But, these two stereotyped characters are worth reading about. Many writing books frown on stereotyped characters but I never could figure out why especially if the characters became interesting as the story flowed. Fred and Bill came alive to me.<br /><br />Some input such as rank odors and maybe how the night air became cooler in the first paragraph might have added to the sense of being there. Sensory input works and it plays to have just enough and not too much, because too much will drown a story. A little goes a long way.<br /><br />I thought the dialogue very believable for it sounded real. Very good job with dialogue.<br /><br />Brother in law should be brother-in-law according to grammar. But hyphens are one of my downfalls too. I miss many that should be in my writings. Thank God grammar can be loose in story telling. Strict academic grammar can drive one crazy!<br /><br />The story flows in an easy-to-read style and at no time was I wondering about events. As the story developed, Fred and Bill became characters that I once knew, it seemed. I like that! At times I felt I were on the block watching them like when you’re hanging around a gas station as a teenagers and watch two local characters do their thing.<br /><br />Growing weed in neighborhood gardens, a little here and a little there, is enterprising and I wonder if any local characters every tried that? Probably.<br /><br />The wives fit Fed and Bill. They’re lazy and sit around and watch TV all day, and smoke weed and maybe do other stuff. That tells many things about Fred and Bill. They support their wives and scavenge for things because they can’t work with others? Maybe. Bill we learn is a veteran with PSDT possibly, and he carries a .38 police special. This is a moot point, but .38 specials are old guns and a 9mm is more common. So many gun manufacturers make 9mms that they are ubiquitous.<br /><br />We learn that Lois and Darlene were getting tired of living on the edge, and the new enterprise of growing weed spread out over many gardens would solve that problem. It did. The cash started to flow.<br /><br />The ending I love. The bony hand found in the garden came into good use. Their fence, Willie C, didn’t want to pay them for the ring. So what do they do? We stuff the bony hand into the mail slot—and that works. Reminds me of the Godfather and the horse’s head!<br /><br />Very entertaining story, well written, clear and an attention keeper! What more could one ask for in a story. Good job.George T. Philibinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-65788239259305202122017-10-23T16:07:34.897+01:002017-10-23T16:07:34.897+01:00As noted above, "clever." I like the tw...As noted above, "clever." I like the twists and turns and the wry humor.Minnesota Fatsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-71404255062377050862017-10-22T20:16:17.954+01:002017-10-22T20:16:17.954+01:00Great story! The concise descriptions of the chara...Great story! The concise descriptions of the characters from beer bottles in the cargo pants to a stomach so large that it is difficult to bend down presents a continual vivid picture of the events. I liked this story so well I was happy to find others available on line and through Amazon. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06520609514982637632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-26246012710319193582017-10-22T18:03:08.320+01:002017-10-22T18:03:08.320+01:00super and amusing tale, well done!
Mike McC
super and amusing tale, well done!<br />Mike McC<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-13441503794009233042017-10-21T15:22:21.609+01:002017-10-21T15:22:21.609+01:00Like it!Like it!Giff Blaylockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06353159427512803661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-7993835530551203492017-10-21T07:00:37.643+01:002017-10-21T07:00:37.643+01:00Excellent, very funny. They don't have garden ...Excellent, very funny. They don't have garden fences in Shwanee? Also who put the hand in Lois' letterbox? Willie C? And how did he get it?Frank Bnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-50562994196568446582017-10-20T21:15:43.797+01:002017-10-20T21:15:43.797+01:00Terrific story, with so much humor. Great read thr...Terrific story, with so much humor. Great read throughout. Thank you.Nancy Lanenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-50059481189568044522017-10-20T17:26:22.403+01:002017-10-20T17:26:22.403+01:00Underground/overground stories ..... very interest...Underground/overground stories ..... very interesting.Thanks for the ride!<br />CeinwenAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11145727006327466838noreply@blogger.com