tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post5073566277276312329..comments2024-03-29T12:58:34.121+00:00Comments on FICTION on the WEB short stories: Work Out by Andrew ElsakrCharlie Fishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04834189452905372024noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-35369726443179765222015-05-12T09:22:46.455+01:002015-05-12T09:22:46.455+01:00finds it difficult to say no, have to learn these ...finds it difficult to say no, have to learn these things the hard way, and he did. as mentioned the narrator is not likeable or unlikeable, but i think this is deliberate and reflects his attitude to life. but i found it a good story.<br /><br />Mike McCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-16327586486015435092015-05-11T14:27:32.818+01:002015-05-11T14:27:32.818+01:00I'm gonna be honest, that long painful paragra...I'm gonna be honest, that long painful paragraph at the beginning deterred me from wanting to read this. You have to break up your paragraphs better, please. Especially when submitting to online publications. The dialogue made it better but in between it was just a mass of sentences. Not so bad as the first, but sentence structure is important in writing. Sorry, not to be too critical. Just want to help. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13800244766592594222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-63308810553354157162015-05-10T19:12:53.804+01:002015-05-10T19:12:53.804+01:00Life low down ...... a good evocation but it was h...Life low down ...... a good evocation but it was hard to connect with the main protagonist. The cynical ending raises scepticism to a new level and yet it works as a piece. It would be good to see the story line developed to give voice to contrasting realities. <br />Thankyou,<br />CeinwenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-16195492934742280702015-05-10T17:58:20.795+01:002015-05-10T17:58:20.795+01:00Lessons hard learned, but hopefully he's movin...Lessons hard learned, but hopefully he's moving to the right path. I found the (unreliable) narrator a bit tough to feel for, but I believe that is what the author intended, and as such, well done. Long but worthwhile read.Jim Bartletthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03429957545169700110noreply@blogger.com