tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post6991844661392758253..comments2024-03-28T11:48:59.566+00:00Comments on FICTION on the WEB short stories: Deal of the Day by Sarah DwyerCharlie Fishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04834189452905372024noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-8718905289664335532017-11-16T21:27:09.220+00:002017-11-16T21:27:09.220+00:00...And the patter just keeps going on, making it a......And the patter just keeps going on, making it all more creepy and frightening. I was in the taxi with my heart in my mouth. Clever David!<br />B r o o k e Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17142492723192523556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-3594465374444344352017-11-16T14:19:51.834+00:002017-11-16T14:19:51.834+00:00Story with a difference, from the setting to the u...Story with a difference, from the setting to the unexpected outcome. A positive ending with Mary realising her workmates are also her friends. Very entertaining.<br />Beryl.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-52688174402675143032017-11-14T19:32:45.506+00:002017-11-14T19:32:45.506+00:00Thanks very much for the comments everyone - reall...Thanks very much for the comments everyone - really helpful. Sarah D.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-6499303542297717082017-11-13T12:12:00.788+00:002017-11-13T12:12:00.788+00:00I enjoyed this story - starting with its rendition...I enjoyed this story - starting with its rendition of a jaundiced world with apparently seedy characters and the hapless narrator. The move into real jeopardy and subsequent rescue was well-handled and the revelation that David was much finer than Mary had believed added depth. Many thanks,<br />CeinwenAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11145727006327466838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-79529245403673087342017-11-13T10:52:37.118+00:002017-11-13T10:52:37.118+00:00very good story, and excellent change of gear when...very good story, and excellent change of gear when her predicament was revealed. you ratcheted up the tension very well. sorry to say, needs a bit of editing, and spelling check! but very well done<br />Mike McCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-701366813598943572017-11-13T09:55:45.691+00:002017-11-13T09:55:45.691+00:00Enjoyed reading this. The MC was quite relatable a...Enjoyed reading this. The MC was quite relatable and amusing; with some delicious little quips. The foreshadowing as she told the reader about sleazy David was well-handled and I liked that it turned out to be the wrong impression. The world of shopping channels was the strongest element for me, I had a very vivid view from it.<br /><br />Thought towards the end the sentences could've benefited from being shorter and more 'hypen-friendly' to provoke the sense of stress and panic, but overall it was nice to see a story where a man, though still somewhat a gimp, was shown in a good, caring light without his sexuality ruining it. Also, sometimes it's easier and reads better by not explaining everything that's happening with your protagonist. There was a couple of paragraphs guilty of this. <br /><br />Other than that, great stuff. I'm intrigued to see more of work. GC McKayhttp://www.gcmckay.comnoreply@blogger.com