tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post7806920545298275208..comments2024-03-29T12:58:34.121+00:00Comments on FICTION on the WEB short stories: The Creature at Rathscar Cemetery by Eliah MedinaCharlie Fishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04834189452905372024noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-51542579539984660602018-05-31T19:54:09.694+01:002018-05-31T19:54:09.694+01:00Incredibly great imagery and symbolism..The story ...Incredibly great imagery and symbolism..The story kept me interested and on edge the entire time! Definitely left me wanting more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01770509509425409272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-59122805503886449732017-03-09T16:56:17.457+00:002017-03-09T16:56:17.457+00:00Marvelous! The description of the creature was sho...Marvelous! The description of the creature was shocking and well-done. This was a great read. In an effort to help a fellow writer improve, I would suggest you go through this story again with a fine-tooth comb. I feel that you can tighten up the grammar and give this story more punch. For example:<br />"Alyx rose what was left of her hood" - rose is the past tense of rise. You would not say Alyx rise her hood, the verb only works on subjects (Mary rose from the bed, the sun rises in the morning etc).<br /><br />"wailed in pain as they fall to the ground" - wailed is past tense and fall is present. I would go with wails as they fall.<br /><br />"fallingafter" should be falling after.<br /><br />These are just 3 examples but there are more.<br /><br />I hope this doesn't offend you - I say it with an editor's eye with the intention of helping your work become more polished. <br /><br />I hope I see more of your work!Mary Chapmannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-12461550511573765902017-03-06T09:48:18.646+00:002017-03-06T09:48:18.646+00:00A richly depicted story. The characters are well d...A richly depicted story. The characters are well drawn. Well done!<br />MonicaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-8005254542076132662017-03-04T16:28:56.919+00:002017-03-04T16:28:56.919+00:00A high-octane and fantastical read - the story lau...A high-octane and fantastical read - the story launches an alternative reality of comprising nightmarish elements. Thanks,<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11145727006327466838noreply@blogger.com