tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.comments2024-03-19T02:08:31.357+00:00FICTION on the WEB short storiesCharlie Fishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04834189452905372024noreply@blogger.comBlogger9507125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-84832283868326548102024-03-19T02:08:31.357+00:002024-03-19T02:08:31.357+00:00Hello June, thanks for the feedback! Perhaps I sho...Hello June, thanks for the feedback! Perhaps I should have made it more clear that towards the end of the tale there was a shift farther away from reality. Talia Levynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-10384893916239376322024-03-18T19:24:40.624+00:002024-03-18T19:24:40.624+00:00Quite the adventure. Tried to relate it to being ...Quite the adventure. Tried to relate it to being a mere 2-3 thousand meters high in the Specific Northwest USA. Not much comparison.<br /><br />Mr. MirthDoug Hawleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-77211013765776809842024-03-18T18:43:43.046+00:002024-03-18T18:43:43.046+00:00Thank you, Lindsay! Thank you, Lindsay! Rozanne Charbonneaunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-59733049171363851752024-03-18T18:42:33.092+00:002024-03-18T18:42:33.092+00:00The descriptions in this piece are beautiful. I wa...The descriptions in this piece are beautiful. I was also a bit confused by her death/rebirth wish, but I assume that quite a few extreme mountain climbers feel this way. This transported me to a very different world. Well done! Rozanne Charbonneaunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-37450119283337239632024-03-18T17:59:11.861+00:002024-03-18T17:59:11.861+00:00What a sojourn! These words: “ Not to rot on the p...What a sojourn! These words: “ Not to rot on the peak, but to fracture my soul, and leave a piece there” were what the narrator wanted at the start. I don’t know if she got it or not. Certainly she went to her limit. And maybe beyond. I was confused by her relationship partner. They hike far in front of her. That does not seem caring. I’m also confused by her death/rebirth wish. I don’t know what that means in practical terms for her. But it is a story full of beautiful detail and longing. Thank you for it!!June Wolfmannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-70623249869794903322024-03-18T11:35:08.781+00:002024-03-18T11:35:08.781+00:00What an interesting story! I wanted to go on readi...What an interesting story! I wanted to go on reading!Ann Lindsaynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-20964392576600298192024-03-16T09:57:02.697+00:002024-03-16T09:57:02.697+00:00Thank you, Paul! Other people have suggested that ...Thank you, Paul! Other people have suggested that I write at least a follow up story about Lucy. I have put down some ideas... Best Roz Rozanne Charbonneaunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-79249613823689284832024-03-16T09:30:17.179+00:002024-03-16T09:30:17.179+00:00As others have said this is a very rich, evocative...As others have said this is a very rich, evocative, and wonderfully told story that brings the characters to life so well and depicts the time and place so adeptly by appealing to all the senses. In fact I think this is one of many strengths in your writing here, that sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound are all part of your descriptions and this gives the story such depth. I can see this as a novel actually.Paul Khttps://paulkimm7.wixsite.com/paul-kimmnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-38310989021277203852024-03-16T08:54:31.776+00:002024-03-16T08:54:31.776+00:00Hi Adam, thank you for reading! I was hoping you w...Hi Adam, thank you for reading! I was hoping you would give your psychological insight into their relationship. Yes, young girls worship teenagers and young women. Babysitters, teacher assistants... I suppose it is part of a child's development. Rozanne Charbonneaunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-75047291095695831132024-03-16T08:46:43.953+00:002024-03-16T08:46:43.953+00:00HI Eolas, thank you for reading! I will read it ag...HI Eolas, thank you for reading! I will read it again in a few weeks with fresh eyes and see if the breaks are intrusive. Feedback like this is always useful. Rozanne Charbonneaunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-12746762087622634632024-03-16T08:43:55.587+00:002024-03-16T08:43:55.587+00:00Thank you, David, for reading and commenting on my...Thank you, David, for reading and commenting on my story! Rozanne Charbonneaunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-69724712878050097732024-03-16T01:44:39.720+00:002024-03-16T01:44:39.720+00:00This is such a rich well-textured tale. From the v...This is such a rich well-textured tale. From the very first paragraph, I was immersed into Sophie’s world. <br /><br />The protagonist’s internal monologue builds terrific characterization, and memorable lines: <br />“We have been spending time together for three weeks now, and soon he will want sex. I am falling in love with him, but I want the romance to last a little longer before the sap-ridden reality sets in.”<br />“I am glad that he enjoys popular movies. Pretending to be an intellectual all the time is exhausting.”<br /><br />Also, the interplay between Sophie and Lucy is endearing. Pre-teen girls tend to worship the teen/twenty-something girls in their lives. And then - to my mind - Lucy was so “American” - brash, forceful, unabashed, contrasting with the ways in which Sophiew was so “French” - shy, demure, self-conscious, sophisticated (or at least pretending to be so).<br /><br />Thank you for this great story!<br />Adam Strassberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16649819811721479131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-5456506073918446062024-03-15T22:08:31.683+00:002024-03-15T22:08:31.683+00:00Wonderfully written story; I remember that time, w...Wonderfully written story; I remember that time, well, and had very little trouble understanding Sophie and her challenges she faces, even though I was never a lunch supervisor in a French school. Poor Lucy; her awful stepfather is believable; I've run across the type. My only criticism is that I wish there were not so many visual breaks, I find they distract from the immersive qualities of the story. But it is a small problem, overall.Eolas Pellorhttp://pellorys.faithweb.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-14837915829307530172024-03-15T16:01:53.698+00:002024-03-15T16:01:53.698+00:00Thanks Alex. Much appreciated.Thanks Alex. Much appreciated.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-90087445447398215512024-03-15T13:45:38.026+00:002024-03-15T13:45:38.026+00:00This is lovely, Rozanne. It's cinematic in de...This is lovely, Rozanne. It's cinematic in detail, unhurried, and authentic!David Lanverthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02047128645776257464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-69172747925522906412024-03-15T12:30:56.771+00:002024-03-15T12:30:56.771+00:00Thank you, Charlie for the great picture! It depic...Thank you, Charlie for the great picture! It depicts Mademoiselle Sophie perfectly. Rozanne Charbonneaunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-60067851846346008252024-03-15T12:28:56.925+00:002024-03-15T12:28:56.925+00:00Hi June, thank you so much for reading and comment...Hi June, thank you so much for reading and commenting on my story. I was in a bilingual school in Paris in the seventies. University Students took us to the Bois de Boulogne every day and watched us like hawks. Yes, we were confronted with perverts every day. Each time they whipped it out, we were forced to find a new place to play. Most tedious. Rozanne Charbonneaunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-44454943771510713672024-03-15T12:21:24.057+00:002024-03-15T12:21:24.057+00:00The characters, all of them, are 100% believable a...The characters, all of them, are 100% believable and engaging to me. I read this story slowly over a few cups of coffee. I savored it. Each scene was entrancing. The narrative voice was unique but very French. The scene in the headmisress’s office was dynamite. She was like a spy! Are there many perverts following schoolgirls in Paris?? No matter. The descriptions of the food were lovely. I loved this whole thing. The subplots weave effortlessly in and around one another. Five stars.June Wolfmannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-68996038551628559382024-03-14T09:42:19.120+00:002024-03-14T09:42:19.120+00:00I didn't see that coming.
Mr. MirthI didn't see that coming.<br />Mr. MirthDoug Hawleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-57241710530376930842024-03-14T07:27:45.463+00:002024-03-14T07:27:45.463+00:00As others have said this is a deftly paced story w...As others have said this is a deftly paced story with a really strong and compelling narrative voice. The chess as a backdrop to managing the trials of his own life is well done and the chilling reveal at the end is superb.Paul Khttps://paulkimm7.wixsite.com/paul-kimmnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-45215661568710275012024-03-14T03:59:32.094+00:002024-03-14T03:59:32.094+00:00I was really enjoying Bobby/Tim all the way, and d...I was really enjoying Bobby/Tim all the way, and didn't see that end coming at all! I'm not even a chess player, just some casual games in my youth, but you didn't lose me with the chess, had me hooked on this character all the way through, and then took it up another notch at the very end. And the hammer itself ... nice touch!Cliff Alipertinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-31609668886696558242024-03-14T00:12:20.156+00:002024-03-14T00:12:20.156+00:00Wow! I really didn't see that coming. Very nic...Wow! I really didn't see that coming. Very nice story. I have so many mixed feelings about malls. They did their best to kill off downtown retail spaces, but then they became the culture. Now that they are disappearing, we have internet shopping. Not the same.<br /><br />Also, I loved the line about having an angel as a best friend.<br /><br />Very nice work!Brian Hawkinsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-87861158096700157872024-03-13T17:17:27.683+00:002024-03-13T17:17:27.683+00:00The queen is the most powerful piece in chess, and...The queen is the most powerful piece in chess, and so I love how you have created a chess playing protagonist with mother issues. <br />As the story moves forward, it also unfolds backwards, as both the young man’s life and the murder are revealed.<br />Well done!<br />Adam Strassberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16649819811721479131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-58622184731452685062024-03-13T16:49:52.919+00:002024-03-13T16:49:52.919+00:00Gritty and well-paced. I appreciate the “what happ...Gritty and well-paced. I appreciate the “what happens next” ending. Maybe Tim’s defense with his mother didn’t work so he had to go on the attack.<br />—David HensonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-42724501503807033672024-03-13T13:02:12.655+00:002024-03-13T13:02:12.655+00:00Great ending, very much caught me by surprise. I k...Great ending, very much caught me by surprise. I know that was your intent, but you did it really well. There were clues, but I'd guess most readers will miss them. The character is well-defined; I've taught a few students like him, in real life and they are both intriguing and hide their dangerousness extremely well. You nailed that. Eolas Pellorhttp://pellorys.faithweb.com/noreply@blogger.com