tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post2074619741167310449..comments2024-03-28T16:06:50.879+00:00Comments on FICTION on the WEB short stories: The Secret Weapon by Ziyad HayatliCharlie Fishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04834189452905372024noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-26174080014636517642013-12-10T11:33:53.445+00:002013-12-10T11:33:53.445+00:00Well doneWell doneAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03915874267011112812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-73707296247422492112013-12-10T11:28:05.847+00:002013-12-10T11:28:05.847+00:00Hello Mr. Otterstrom!
This is the author.
I do...Hello Mr. Otterstrom! <br /><br />This is the author. <br /><br />I don't know much about the protocol on these boards myself, but personally I very much appreciate your comment. You make quite a few good points that can improve my story!<br /><br />And also, thanks for the positive comments too, its good to know that you have enjoyed it. <br /><br />Lastly, apologies for writing so late as my life has been rather hectic as of late. <br /><br />I hope to see something you have written somewhere up here soon!<br /><br />Regards,<br />Ziyad Hayatli TPOGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15189842867611032351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-87621803543715245502013-11-29T20:40:18.080+00:002013-11-29T20:40:18.080+00:00I like what I have read here. The story is intere...I like what I have read here. The story is interesting and full of symbolic meaning. Great detail through out. <br /><br />If I am breaking protocol on these boards then I am sorry but I am new to the site and not sure if critique is permissible on the boards. That being said I'm going to place a couple of opinions about things in the work that I noticed.<br /><br />While there is a lot very good detail in the story that works well to heighten the tension in the work. I think that solidifying the setting; especially time period, might help situate the environment for the reader. As I was reading I stopped several time to ask my self where we were, and when we were.<br /><br />The outburst for the doctor seemed just a little out of character for how you established him earlier in the work. It was a little jarring.<br /><br />Finally, I wonder if ending the story with him being taken away to be killed rather than having the final passage be his death in his own thought might have better. I have never been a big fan of that technique in writing.<br /><br />I definitely agree with a previous poster who comment about about the Dawes character feeling like he deserved to be punished, and the over all symbolic morality of the work and being a soldier.<br /><br />Very good work.Joe Otterstromhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03159665487950172636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-9861282225874497512013-11-29T16:23:21.933+00:002013-11-29T16:23:21.933+00:00" smiling a smile that never reached his eyes..." smiling a smile that never reached his eyes. A deceitful smile." I really liked this line. Nice twist in the story, I was never really sure where it was going. Jim Bartletthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03429957545169700110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155197540326010032.post-36213761304002955602013-11-29T13:50:32.553+00:002013-11-29T13:50:32.553+00:00i found this very interesting, it seems as if Dawe...i found this very interesting, it seems as if Dawes knew what his fate would be but still did not resist arrest. maybe somewhere inside he felt he deserved to be punished. <br />a fine Story<br /><br />well done<br /><br />Michael McCarthyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com